just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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