think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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