It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The uberlube is also flammable
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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