Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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