Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
