we're blogging at a bar
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We are two peas in an std pod
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
