hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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