honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
