it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
