I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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