I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
