It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
