dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
