so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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