Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize