i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
