I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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