My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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