he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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