her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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