im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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