Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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