I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
