I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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