I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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