she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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