i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
