ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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