Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
