Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
