Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
