My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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