PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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