dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
