That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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