Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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