Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
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I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
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You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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