Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
