Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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