Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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