Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize