; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
