my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
