Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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