wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
