Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
