yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
