i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
