I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
vagina is talking i cant
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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