You work out of a Hotel?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
