You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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