I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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