there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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