I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
