bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
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What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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