If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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