I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
