He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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