I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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