the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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