I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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