I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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