and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
