I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
