I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
