I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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