Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
