I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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