just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
