Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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