dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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