he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
