Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
