All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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