Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
