bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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